On Being A Man – 2015 Edition

The following is something I wrote up on a plane back home on Jan 2nd after having celebrated NYE. It’s a massive brain dump with a lot of free flow thinking, that I just want to get out there. It’s not polished and sometimes out of context. I planned on turning all those ideas into a variety of different blogposts and perhaps still will do so or I’ll just continue with further, deeper concepts in the future. I prefer to have this out for now and it’s still a very worthwhile read, although it’s quite unstructured in comparison to other posts on here…

Society trains you to only see the surface. This way “dummies & damage” (the driving force of modern society’s acting) are being kept in check.

You watch the news and you think (full belief, conviction without doubt), this is what happened. For every event there is an expert on set, minutes after it happened. He already has the plot figured out, the motivations and reasons and he’ll explain it to you regardless of how weird it actually appears to be. “These are the facts.” Even if you question one source of ‘facts’ (Fox VS CNN) you’ll find another source from the mediasphere to counter those first facts and then you’ve gotten through to “the truth”. It’s craziness. None of those media outlets exist to inform/educate you, let alone in a neutral way. Those are corporations interested in profits, so their goal is to operate in a similar way tabloids and other profit oriented enterprises do: provoking emotions, simplifying complex issues, engaging you by distracting you, giving you some narrative to aspire to (Most people feel branding is reflective. It is not. It is aspirational. It doesn’t teach the “what to want”, but the “how to want”). The media is a circus, an artificial and scripted illusion. And the strongest weapon of the media is hate. They want you to pick a side, because then you stop questioning that circus altogether and engage in consumer culture. If you don’t blame Obama, you blame Romney and vice versa. If you don’t blame Samsung, you blame Apple and vice versa. I’ve talked about this before, coining it the disappearance of the third alternative. A wise man once said: The only way to win is not to play.
Whenever some news coverage incites hate (or its little brothers anger and rage), then be aware that you’re being fooled – they make you pick sides, which drags along a whole other bunch of consequences. It’s the way the Matrix keeps its batteries in line. They give you a path and a system of right and wrong, so you can fall back onto the herd and its safety. You don’t have to exert mental energy, to come up with something of your own. Noam Chomsky said once, the most important thing for people in the 21st century is to learn some form of mental self defense against the media. The more you engage in it, the more you get lost. A recent study from Kobo showed that on their ebook readers only 46% of ebooks are being read start to finish. More than half the people who paid for the ebook don’t even finish it. This is a fact well known by News/Media. That’s why everything has to be sensationalized and be blown up. Articles demand effort, so they turn them into bullet points. Words demand effort, so they turn those into pictures. Pictures provide clicks and you don’t have to think as much. Both sides win. Unfortunately none of those sides is you. You lose. Name any big thinker of the last century you have read first-hand. The week after Christmas I finished a book by Will Durant about philosophers and one from Werner Jaeger. Beautifully demanding works that don’t serve as ego-inflators, but as chunks of mental nutrition, to help me navigate through modern society. If you don’t read what accomplished people have written, you don’t train the most important muscle in your body – your brain. And without training it won’t be able to come up with original stuff on its own. There is a burst of creativity and outflow in your early 20s that comes easily to some people and it can mislead you in a similar manner a young girl in her 20s is mislead by her beauty. It diminishes if you don’t put something back into it. The status quo is not a given, it goes down, if you don’t fight for it. Perseverance is the one word that comes close to resembling what being a man is about. And don’t victimize its meaning and turn it into suffering. That’s not what it is about. It’s about the journey and its challenges, it’s about growth and self-reliance. It’s about tapping into calmness in the midst of a storm.

You look at a person and see his watch, the brand names on his clothing and derive an estimated value from this. He dresses cool, so that person must be cool. You don’t think in terms of full human beings that feel pain too and are in doubts about their lives, navigating the world with a blurry map. This fool’s assessment is dangerous, because it leads to faulty feedback of how you yourself navigate the world. Don’t operate in models and put people in categories. It’s a simplification mechanism making sense in small, limited tribes, where there is benefit in quick categorization. In the modern world though, it fucks people up. Especially those that come from a wounded upbringing. The 2 most common examples of being tricked by the surface appearance of a person are
a) mistaking insecurity for arrogance.
b) mistaking regular female sexuality for sluttiness.
Almost all guys stuck in a boy paradigm are guilty of this and keeps them from leveling up. They interact with men that are just as insecure as them and instead of seeing that lack of purpose and groundedness for what it is, they protect themselves by labeling the other guy arrogant.
When they interact with girls and get a glimpse of real female sexuality, of women’s horniness, instead of seeing it for what it is and being grateful, they label the girl a slut/cunt/whore. It’s only sluttiness if “beneficiary of sluttiness” = “NOT you”.
It’s a pity they can’t overcome their upbringing and keep repeating the same mistakes.

The same “being fooled by the surface level” routine plays out with Oneitis. You don’t see the full human being, but an angel, an illusion, wishful thinking that completes those elements of your identity that you can’t provide for yourself yet.

    Guiding principle of the THIN LINE

It’s good to be selfish sometimes, it’s good to reward yourself for some achievement, but you have to realize there’s thin line of not making the reward a goal in itself. You make money and reward yourself with a new pair of shoes. Feels good wearing them, but as soon as the newness, the shine, the added self-confidence wear off, you’re at the thin line and you either can take it for what it is without falling victim to the polished facade of that product, or you can develop a craving and want the good feeling of having a product and its perceived value associated with you back. Then you have a downwards spiral and in the near future you’ll need more and shinier things to feel the same exciting worth. Which means in a few years from now you’re way worse off and engrained toxic conditioning. This is what life for most people is. The toys to enhance their personality to reflect something about them back… those get bigger. The character, the personality and the udnerstanding remain between the ages 14-18.
There’s a thin line between healthy reward & unhealthy stimulation. Most people are so off track, they don’t struggle with some unhealthy stimulus every once in a while, but with toxic overstimulation. For those candidates I believe detoxification is necessary. Full on monk in a monastery style. Remember my post about Cyclical Progress. People are stuck in one extreme and in order to counter that, they have to go into the other extreme, before finding solace in longterm middlegrounds of sustainability.
– thin line between expansion & contraction
– thin line between enduring & overcoming
– thin line between conquering & letting go
– thin line between life & death
Always being aware of the thin line is what propels me forward. There is so much to accomplish and achieve, but with every accomplishment comes a new challenge in and of itself to not rest on one’s laurels, to not settle down, to not become lazy, to not say “this is enough now, it’s comfortable here”.
While I maintain a life of constant challenge, my mind upholds the deep conviction that NOTHING is a threat to me.

Another example of being trained to only see the facade is nutrition. When you eat junk food, most people are aware somehow that it’s really artificially sweet and not natural. They believe they condition themselves to accept that factory sweetness, but what they really do, is conditioning themselves to censor out the toxicity. And that’s worse, because once the snickers bar is okay, the yet forbidden starbucks frapuccino monster gets closer to be okay as well. And that is again a downwards spiral…
Our understanding of a normal balance is relative and subjective. In terms of artifical sweeteners people are usually amazed at how sweet a coca cola is, when they have a glass after being sick for a week. The taste buds adapt really quickly and you can observe this in children as well. If they are raised on a healthy diet and you give them some energy drink to drink, there face turns into a painful grimace. That’s how unnaturally sweet it is to them.

One can observe this phenomenon of being dazzled by the surface appearance as well, when someone gets a new job or is offered a new role. The first reflex is to obtain clothing required for that role. “Make me fit in”. Ryan Holiday wrote about this in a piece called “The dress suit bribe”. They are ok with a lack of actual rewards and opportunities for achievement, as long as the new role signals identity to them and others around them. “Look I wear a suit to work now. I am someone.”

what’s your value system? what do you believe in? what do you stand for? what’s the archetypal maleness expressed by you? what do you strive for? what’s your purpose? what if i pointed a gun to your head and demanded you name one word you live by? what is “true” for you, even though noone is around?
by coincidental design we have ended up in a culture that condemns ideologies. only fascists, fundamentalists and terrorists have ideologies. religious people and feminists have them as well. at least to a degree. but because of their ideology, their strong belief in something, they share another thing: they are simple and sort of dumb, because their agenda is obvious. we despise them. that’s a fact. just one glance at pop-culture is enough. news, advertising, soap operas they all do it and it’s the publicly accepted position when we talk about people with strongly held beliefs. but is it really the belief we hate or is it the fact, that they are in opposition to us, because we lack strong believes? the system taught us to define ourselves by what we hate. that was one of the obvious conclusions of last year (see post “emerging patterns”). we have created a society where anything is possible, anything is available. if you can think of a live, you can live it. everything is there. this paralyzes people and the only way of collectively, passive-aggressively channel this, is by despising people with ideologies, people with clear cut life-plans, people with visions and people with purpose. there is something odd about them almost as if they were cut from a different cloth. that’s why we as a society have abandoned all the big visions of habitating the moon, interstellar travel, world peace, end of poverty etc. people walk through life and are concerned about their outfits, the dinner later on, but never about bigger things.
lack of ideology gives rise to opportunism and narcissism. it’s the modern “cult of me” that you see everyday in people around you, the pursuit of happiness, the desire for “when does my adventure begin? the cast is ready!”, “I am Neo! Where is Morpheus to start all this? I am chosen!!!”
in my eyes this is the backbone of modern consumerism. no 21 year old wakes up and dedicates the rest of his life to ending cancer like people in history before him did with different issues. they only invest in themselves and mostly their appearance. “Who am I? Does this represent me?”
if there was an external value system of right and wrong that you would stand by and used as a compass, your life would be much easier. if there was something that was true even though noone was around, your life would be much easier. but as soon as social peer pressure disappears you pee on some public toilet seat without wiping it off, you steal, you pick your nose, etc.
it’s your opportunism that kills you.
it’s the NEED to send bragging texts to your homies after you banged a girl. only then it feels complete.
it’s the complete lack of guilt, when you cheat, because “hey, i was a late bloomer/introvert/whatever and that was a rare chance. carpe diem motherfucker! it only hurts when she finds out…”
it’s the constant procrastination with EVERYTHING. your complete withdrawal from reality. because nowadays everything is possible, you choose to do nothing at all. too many choices.
do you have concrete plans? do you have a roadmap? are you sufficient? are you happy with your current position in life? are you aware of the fact that life is lived in different seasons of spring, summer, autumn and winter? those different seasons need different focuses. that’s why most guys want to get good with women at 20 and somehow a decade passes them by and all of a sudden they are 30 and rationalize it’s about the money now and that it was always about the money. so they not only dump getting good with girls, but they’ve managed to come up with a comforting excuse as well: getting good with girls was a shallow goal anyway. i need to make a living for myself and become rich.
no. getting good with girls is just something you handle in your 20s. without any excuse. you get it handled and become good. any excuse in your 30s is just that: a pathetic excuse.

why are you here? you get 75 years on average on planet earth. some of it is being occupied by growing up. a lot is demanded by sleep and another big chunk is reserved for illness and slowing down in old age. do the math. how much is over? how much is yet to be lived? don’t waste the golden years of being healthy, properly functioning and having a working brain. the regret will be terrible and make you vanish in mediocrity.

    mountain climbing metaphors for life:

1. i once met a multi-millionaire who chartered a helicopter during a vacation in the swiss alps that flew him to the mountain tops. he took pictures, enjoyed the view and joked around. then 3 climbers from out of nowhere showed up. they had just finished an extremely tough 4 hour free hike with barely using ropes. they were exhausted. sweaty, tired and shaky sort of. but guess who was happier up there? guess who felt out of line and who didn’t? who felt he deserved being up there? who could inhale the view and the air up there in order to propel him forward? IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT THE HIKE, NOT THE TOP
2. when climbing up a mountain and you’re midway, there is no way back. “oh this starts to become exhausting. i’ll stop and continue tomorrow” this won’t work. it’s not a video game. there is no pause button. you’ve invested, you’re half way up already. climbing down is as difficult as climbing up. you pay a price for getting out that is as demanding as getting in. so, you keep going. there are no alternatives, no gimmicks. the only exit strategy is to persevere through.
live your life this way.

the monster’s name is death/abyss/nothingness/”the indestructable destroyer”
you don’t have to fear the monster under the bed, if you become a monster yourself (man’s path. hence power, money, influence, success, competition)
you don’t have to fear the monster under the bed, if you share the bed with a monster (female’s path. hence attraction to above male traits)

the most simple key to success has always been preparation and silent repetition. i became good at anything i ever set focus on, only because i silently worked away on it like a motherfucker. day in, day out. i did not brag, i never implemented the goal and its attachments into my ego-structure and then turned away when euphoria faded.

look at any man you know first-hand. exceptions are below one percent. without knowing the guy you think of, i can tell 2 things:
a) he is not at rest (not at ease with himself and his life)
b) because he is only a fraction of what he was supposed to be by now
this is the most common dilemma with modern manhood. we get kicked to the ground by a society that favors female virtues. and by this i mean: consumption, decoration, appearance. those values raise us. we have had mothers around that told us: “you can become anything you ever want to be. you are special. you are unique. you are so talented. you are so wonderful…”
this is natural for mothers and that’s what they should do. but because of absent fathers, who fail to play their part, the mother-influence harms us and we go for “nothing at all”. the ego is fragile. we are so special, so choosing a route in life offers the possibility of experiencing failure and not being special/talented/unique. in a healthy childhood there should be an opposing father-force pushing you: “look son, while i agree with your mom and love you, i want you to know, that the world is a tough place. yes, it’s beautiful, but there is nothing for granted. i believe in you and your talents, but only a few of them will generate something meaningful and out of those only one or two will generate money. stay humble and stick to the basics of effort and perseverance. then it’ll turn out true, what your mom just said. now get back to work!”
this counter-advice lacked in most men’s life and so they get crushed by existential fear, glancing in the abyss of their existence. just as their dads. they were never raised on the idea that one can laugh at that abyss and just go full force anyway.
so on one hand men feel that “call of their fathers” to rise and shine, to do something big and legendary, to be remembered and to have contributed, on the other hand they have only experienced maternal nurturing in childhood and lack male robustness to do something regardless of fear. this paralyzes them and results in steady withdrawal from reality: tv, video games, reading, porn, eating, avoiding challenge, passiveness, desire for routine. they sort of lose friends without replacing them. they get by, but they don’t grow (coping VS thriving). they engage in consumerism and buy stuff, but it doesn’t fulfill them. and that constant awareness deep down in them – yelling out of their genes – nags at them everyday: i should be more, i should do more, i should grow more, i should try more, i should be more disciplined, i should stop being negative, etc etc etc.
THEY ARE ONLY A FRACTION OF WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BY NOW
the weird purgatory of in-between. no basecamp anymore, but mountaintop is still far away and most of the time you don’t even see the top because it’s foggy. as the brain gets older it crystalizes. it gets more and more difficult to change things up. learning a new language becomes tougher. the brain likes routines.
“i’ve been doing it this way all my life and it worked, so fuck you, i keep doing it this way”
even when things change and you need to adapt, the brain keeps going.
that’s why a lot of the homeless people are old. it’s a multitude of reasons but one being a brain too narrow in thinking. circumstances change and they can’t adapt, hop into a new routine, so they drop out completely.
that’s why you want and need to stay adaptive. a life long learner and student. and if that doesn’t work out in every area of life, you need a backup plan.
THEY ARE ONLY A FRACTION OF WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE BY NOW
…and so it goes: midlife crisis, disillusionment, addiction creeping in, increasing negativity, hate, more routine… death.
don’t go down that road. understand that from the age of 18 on, you are responsible. everything your father missed out on teaching you, you do for yourself. be your own father. there is a concept from the philosopher Kant, in which he distinguished between mature/active and immature/passive citizenship. an element of becoming an autonomous/mature/self-reliant/active/educated/healthy citizen is to subsequently agree with one’s own birth. noone ever asked you if you WANTED to be born. so as a premise to an active and mature life, you give subsequent agreement and are ok with the fact of being thrown “into this”. furthermore you agree to “your life” with its very own problems, challenges and opportunities, possibilities. and lastly you agree to life in general, which results in a deep understanding of concepts such as “life is now”, “death is an inherent part of life”. this is a tremendously self-empowering idea by Kant. ultra important. most people live via substitution,surrogates and representation. they aren’t responsible for themselves. if you ask about a life choice, a big decision that brought on consequences, the responses they give are the opinions of their parents/religion/tribe/authorities. of course most people suffer and are depressed by living that way, because it doesn’t work.
dedicate your 20s to healing all childhood wounds while getting on track to your life’s purpose. 30s and 40s are an excercise in overcoming challenge and accepting failure and struggle. your 50s are fine-tuning and seeing first benefits in forms of children and wealth. the 60s is making sure you leave the right legacy and the other decades are up to you.

the backup plan to the good life is called “healthy systems”
if you have your nutrition in check by your mid 20s, you don’t need to be worried about cancer in old age, because you haven’t spent a lifetime of accumulating debt by overdoing it on white sugars. when your thinking gets narrower, simpler, less adaptive and fluid, you already have an upwards spiraling routine in line. do the same for your bank account, your wisdom etc. and you’re good.

Negativity is the most common and viral form of not taking responsibility for oneself.
Negativity is the luxury of the weak and only serves in keeping them weak.
You can’t accuse other people of their weakness. You can’t despise/blame them FOR their weakness and you can’t look down on them because of their weakness.
The fact that you are stronger and physically/mentally more capable means YOU have to walk the extra mile, not them. They don’t have to level up, because they can’t. If they could, they would.
Only weak people accuse other people of weakness.
Nature intended human group dynamics to be this way: strong people put in more, so that the group survives and everyone benefits, including the children of strong people, who are themselves weak for some periods of their lives. At the same time nature doesn’t sympathize with weak people, that’s why their pain is drastically greater and they are the first to die when facing survival bottlenecks.
–> Remember Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged: When Hank Rearden’s character is introduced he comes home and faces his petty, toxic, destructive family just after having invented Rearden Metal (huge ten year milestone and personal achievement). He doesn’t fall into their low level thinking of negativity as they accuse him of being away and selfish (which he is obviously not). He responds from his inner nature of strength and expresses his capacity to forgive them for their little bullshit, because he is big enough to take it “while still changing the world”.

What if I told you there really was a heaven. It’s different from what people usually think it is. You only get to keep on living in that heaven after you died as long as people back on earth keep talking positively about you, your ideas and your influence. If they stop you vanish. That is what fuels you up there. So contrary to popular thought heaven is not that crowded.
The question then is: what kind of life do you have to live in order to make it to heaven and stay alive up there?
Different from what it looks like now?
Interesting. Go, adjust.

It’s not your genes, it is you. the problem is always you, not other people. weakness blames the outside world, strength looks inside and asks “there were people before me who have overcome this and there are billions of dead people gone who would gratefully go back and take my place. so what can i do to move forward?”
Evolution is the only science that comes with a narrative. That’s why it’s tempting to fall for. We’re built to adapt and become resourceful when faced with bottlenecks.
The human brain always goes for narrative, coming up with a story providing meaning. it’s the essence through which we filter the world, our place and purpose. The whole psychological udnerstanding of time is based on narrative (things moving forward, unfolding). It’s what makes religion. It’s what makes evolution the prominent science in explaining life. Not physics, not chemistry. Evolution provides a narrative, some form of destiny and reasoning. That’s why we prefer it over anything else.
so in order to excel i need to become aware of narrative structures, of the way culture and society keep telling stories and teach people via stories.
i can learn more about life and the human psyche from books like “the 7 basic plots”, mcphee’s “story” or campbell’s “the hero’s journey” than from many, many, many self help books. self help books are written in the context of our times. people still follow a deeper cultural narrative of 2015. so, in addition to books about narrative structures one can learn a lot from books that weren’t written within the mono-narrative of our times: freud’s interpretation of dreams for example uses many foreign sounding expressions like “let off steam”, “pressure” etc because it was written in the context of the industrial revolution and the understanding of the steam machine reflected back onto the understanding of the human psyche. same goes for dostoievksy “notes from the underground” or kierkegaards “fear and trembling”. the way these men talk is foreign, weird and not from our world, because the cultural/social/collective narrative that shaped them was completely different.

An excuse is just a little trick of your lower consciousness to maintain the status quo (status quo = comfort & passive consumption of life)

Failure/struggle is an invitation (from life) to growth.

We’re all in the same boat as humans. The modern world has provided us with a myriad of individual philosophies from the pursuit of happiness to the accumulation of wealth and salvation after death. when the cold war ended, mankind pretty much abandoned its belief in “collective philosophies” in general. The nazis, WW2 and communism and the Soviets were all powered/fueled by collective beliefs, so as a logical consequence we abandoned ALL collective beliefs, because once adopted they are dangerous. What we didn’t realize though is that we STILL have strongly governing collective beliefs, because as a species this is how we operate and function. instead of one single idea such as socialism, christianity or “white supremacy”, we have taken all individual ideas like “pursuit of happiness”, “the american dream”, “the good life”, “cult of me”, “fulfillment of me”, “me first”, consumerism, etc and multiplied it by 7.5 billion. in the long run this will result in even more harm, because people turn shallow, opportunistic, empty, fragile, depressive. if there isn’t anything outside of you and you are the only real person, everyone else is 2-dimensional supporting cast, then all those other things have to suffer. one side effect of this is increased hostility in politics, increased pollution, worsening climate change, too much garbage everywhere, too fast consumption etc.
one can have a look at the crossfit games and ask why Rich Froning won the last 4 times. when the games come to a finish, he comes out on top. he’s an extremely talented athlete that puts in a loooot of effort, but other competitors are close and similarly well-rounded, even better in some disciplines. so why does he always win? in my personal opinion, it’s froning’s belief in Religion and God. He stated many times that winning is an opportunity for him to become more influential and spread the word about Christ. While you can question the validitiy of religion in general, this approach works, because it’s a higher goal. Froning doesn’t make the competition something about himself, something to feed his ego and gain selfish benefits from. He turns himself into a medium to do something greater. All other competitors want to beat him, so ‘they’ can be the best and get the rewards and recognition. for froning’s competitors it’s about them, the desired win is a part of their pursuit of happiness. and that’s why they never stood a chance against a guy that proclaimed “i do it for something greater than me”. this story gets played out and repeated in almost any battle in history. learn from it.
nowadays it is always about the individual and we lack collective philosophies to understand we ALL pay the price down the line if we don’t level up and mature. wars, borders, property… it’s too understandable and still makes me laugh. the enemies are cancer, climate change, lack of ressources, the barriers to interstellar travel and planetary terra-forming. we need a new philosophy of the collective that enables humans to step forward for the benefit of others. because “others” includes the people important to them as well as the people not important to them. if a strong person doesn’t better the world for the people unimportant to him, he won’t be making it better for the people important to him. we are all in one boat. it’s always been this way. stronger people step forward and endure more than weaker ones for the benefit of all.
If you are still stuck in ME vs YOU / US vs THEM mindsets then change your filter, change your perspective. go beyond race, nationality, language, religion, politics and football club. down the line we are all humans on one planet. we all have to face the indestructable destroyer (death) at some point. if i change my perspective from my little world around me to e.g. a focus on the year 2150 then all of a sudden everyone i meet shares a commonality with me: the same destiny. EVERYONE. him, her and me will all be dead by that year, so we might as well work together to change that and put our children on the moon after we turned it into a flourishing jungle.
this is no nostalgic thinking of communism. i don’t care about the specifics, all i know is that we have strong collective traits and triggers engrained into us, which one can read about in jonathan haidt’s “the righteous mind”. society has culturally neglected, denied and abandoned those traits, because they resulted in wars. plus consumerism prefers the individual. 4 cars and 4 iphones for 1 family of 4 are better than 1 car and no iphones for 1 family of 4.

being envious and accusing people is for the weak. it’s passive and manipulative. picture the president in his oval office wasting time on checking social security data from the nsa and he then decides to call poor bob in hampsy dampsy nowhere to lecture him on the phone “hey bob, here’s the president speaking. i’m in the office since 5am. i work my ass off everyday. i hustle so hard, it’s crazy. i feel the heat of the press, my hair turned grey within one year. what have you been doing? when did you get up today? work, man! work harder you lazy bitch! it sickens me that i hustle on 4 hours of sleep a night balancing the prevention of WW3 on my shoulders, and at the same time you are one lazy fat fuck not concerned with anything. woorkk!!! do something! turn productive!!!!”
can you see the president acting like that or does he focus on what’s in front of him knowing full well he puts in way more effort than a lot of other people. and he still keeps going.
–> the rewards of every path are unique. poor bob will never know what it’s like to spank a bitch in the white house. and this is just a simplified surface example. make no mistake, being on the path IS the reward in and of itself.
–> this ties in with purpose and personal boundaries as well. poor bob’s life is just distractive minutiae, but the sum of all problems of all poor bobs combined, is what the leader tackles (giving him a fish VS teaching him to fish on his own)

the more a man i am, the more tolerant i become towards frustration and falling for the illusion of arrival.
as a man i struggle with the “desire to rest”, to arrive and bring to an end (see deida), so i push it back until i’m dead.
the more i can hold the tension of fear and laugh at the existential nihilism and ultimate meanignlessness of life, the better i can take action and create something meaningful regardless.

when i look into the sky, i see the past, light sent out millions of years ago. I see eternity and i see something way bigger than me reflecting my own impotence back in comparison. instead of passing out, i accept the fact that i am an ant on a grain of sand, but i’m the most motherfucking gangsta ant that ever did it on that grain of sand, leaving behind a dynasty, a multigenerational empire of gangsta ants so robust that some descendant down the line will look at the sky (the universe and eternity) and realize he’s up to par with that ;-)

most people struggle, because they look at life and say “let’s wing it”. they freestyle, although they follow society’s beaten path. it doesn’t occur to them that there are solutions and counter-knowledge to their poverty, their recurring relationship problems and everything else. we aren’t raised this way. they don’t teach things like that. (watch adam curtis new documentary: bitter lake). we’re not taught to look at life in seasons of spring, summer, autumn, winter. all of a sudden it’s winter (aka we’re old and close to death) and go: i didn’t expect to have less energy. how am i going to provide for myself now?
plan ahead. accept life’s seasons. develop a value system that you stand by.
be judged by your behavior not by your words and put that into alignment with your values.
establish rituals and stick to them. those structures are good. don’t fall into the emptiness of the day ahead. get up and know what to tackle.
be judged by your behavior not by your words and put that into alignment with your values.

That last sentence is huge. Most modern men “tell” you who they are. They artificially design their life via Facebook, clothing, stories and alikes. “Look, how cool I am!”
Be a man that runs on behavior instead of talk. I’ll willingly get judged on my behavior everyday. It’s Jan 2nd and I got up at 5am. I already worked out, had a clean breakfast, read 50 pages from Will Durant, made 5K online, did language lessons on my goal to proficient Italian and am writing these thoughts down now, although I could be taking a nap. I usually don’t talk about those things, but this is the behavior that leads to success, not the Facebook picture, that shows an illusion to make others think in a certain way, so that you can feel a certain way about yourself.

Denial = Let’s Pretend The Old Rules Still Apply (LePreTORSA-effect)

A fat body is not adaptive. It’s heavy and slow, always behind. A fat body can’t create success. In every herd the slower animals get killed first and have to suffer first.

Awake is gratitude-based VS Asleep is fear-based

There is so much possibility, so much chance for achievement within one lifespan, IF you stay on track and focus.

It’s a fool’s game wanting to get rid of bad emotions. Every emotion is good as long as it is channeled into productivity. Cry, be sad or yell out of rage as long as what follows is taking action. The body has its own rhythms. See jonathan haidt’s rider-elephant-analogy. Always make the elephant go back to building the castle of your life’s legacy. Sometimes the elephant (primal/animal/instinctual parts of mind/body) pees, keeps eating gras and doesn’t obey to the rider. It’s alright, the elephant is not a robot and building the castle is a marathon, not a sprint.
the more you grow into the realization of your highest potential, the more intellectually sharp you will feel. it’s in a man’s nature to consider himself smart – not absolutely smart, but “smart in comparison”. it is usually true in comparison to siblings, spouses, close friends, children (!) and colleaugues. so a growing man has to be very careful to not respond with (simple/unhealthy) anger towards lack of understanding in others. “I’m a smart dude, I get it instantly! Why don’t you? You dumb fuck!” Remember that every outwards expression of a strong man provokes change/growth. simply being angry is destructive and doesn’t provoke change in other people, so it is actually a weak reaction. every emotion can be dealt with in a healthy and positive way and because anger is vitalizing it must result in forceful action without resistance to the opposing thinking in the other person (–> win-win).

High standards (no negativity, personal boundaries, ultra healthy body) + alignment (of internal purpose & external behavior) + no resistance (life ends incomplete, struggle is inherent to life) = ultimate man (what Sigmund Freud called ‘a person free of conflict’)

if you think passion is enough to succeed, you are fucked in the head.
if you think passion is what you need to get started, you are fucked in the head.
passion is a good friend that only shows up when you’re already very deep into your journey. before that… self-doubt, failure, struggle, sweat and pain walk alongside you

trick your life into importance. trick yourself into responsibility. go to the gym like the world depends on it. most people are extremely short-sighted. they think life starts with them. they are the first, they are jesus, 0 b.c.. trick yourself into thinking that you are number 150000 of a straight line of people who had to endure SO MUCH in order for you just to be alive and here. it’s a statistical fact that people before you had it more difficult than you, so make that something that holds you “accountable by genes” (no racial pun). be grateful for that gift and make the most out of life, so that your genes are still around in another 150000 years.

the tinier the task, the more important it is. a “successful life” is just the result of a huge compounding effect. you think you lost because you picked the wrong major, moved to the wrong city, bought a house too early, stayed with the wrong girl for too long, impregnated her or failed at some other big life decision. i think you lose, because your alarm clock rings at 7am and the first thing you do is hit snooze instead of jump up. i think you lose because you didn’t go to the gym last week although you proclaimed and planned on going 3 times. i think you lose, because you go to bed and you did not read a single page of that nonfiction book on your bedside table. i think you lose, because you order food in a restaurant and your mixed veggies come with unexpected potatoes and you just eat them, because there is a threshold to that mental barrier of going against the social norm by exerting energy. i think you lose, because you don’t realize that today is the most important day of your life. i think you lose, because you think you have time in excess. i think you lose, because you think, tomorrow brings another chance.

where the average joe thinks in terms of plenty (time, opportunities), you want to think in scarcity.
where the average joe thinks in scarcity (access to women, money, things), you want to think in abundance.

unsuccessful people think they have a lot of time and success will (finally) define them
successful people know they have little time and failure defined them

It is my life, so i’m going to live it my way, because I’ll pay the price in the end. This sounds obvious and simple, but it’s unbelievable how much suffering, grief and anger is in people because of compromising their life choices. They feel obliged to please their parents, partners and friends. They feel obliged to live up to expectations and their assigned role. They marry, they settle down, they take the safe route and choose jobs for all the wrong reasons. They don’t grow into autonomy and have to cheat, trick and steal to have their actual interests/needs met.

With a mature value system you accept higher laws of the universe. One of them being: you didn’t get to choose your birth, so you don’t get to choose your death. You go with the flow. You don’t live in resistance. As a man you face the unknown, you embrace it. suicide is for pussies.

an analogy to understand the existentialism crisis of the modern world:
people stand in front of wardrobes packed with clothes and they still complain about having nothing to wear. having freedom of choice results in ennui, passiveness, overwhelm etc in most people. hence the creation of “the media” in free societies to fill that emptiness by engaging sheeps in the mechanics of decorating their lifes with stuff, instead of decorating their personalities with knowledge or their time with experience.

if something external is thrown at you (a threat, an insult, a compliment, a gift, a death sentence, whatever), you react with your whole life story (what eckhart tolle calls “the pain body”). this is why reference experience trumps everything. getting a lot of reference experiences within a certain domain of expertise is like re-writing the life story in order to respond differently and grow. it’s a rare gift from the universe to live in times where rewriting your life story through taking action is possible.

provoking feelings of guilt in another person is a female trait and an indicator of lack of potence to tap into.
someone hurt us and by being cold and weird we try to provoke guilt in order to correct such misdemeanor, but in reality it’s just a form of manipulation, which is only ever necessary when the first option (confrontation / win-win-solutions / crucial conversations techniques) is not available.

Self-realization means: faced with a specific task in front of me, I DO what I CAN. (mountain climbing metaphors).
It does not mean maintaining a blurry ideal of having already arrived. It involves growth, perseverance and effort.

We design societies that keep the sheep locked in sheep stages.
If you tell a sheep it can become a wolf,
a) it will feel offended and insult you “let ME tell you how the world works”
b) if you go ahead anyway and hand it the “weapons of the wolf” (teeth, jaw, hunting instinct, etc), it will return to other sheep and do great damage with it

Daniel Gilbert – Psychology of Future Self – why people fail to predict change and the amount of change
phenomenon: ease of remembering VS difficulty of imagining. “it’s hard to imagine so it’s unlikely to happen, therefore I navigate by remembering similar experiences”
“human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they are finished. the person you are now is as transient and as temporary as all the people you have ever been. the one constant in life is change”

“You’re walking around the fire expecting not to sweat”
“You n*ggas skipping scenes, while I’m sticking to the script”
– Lil’ Wayne

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On Being A Man – 2015 Edition

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